Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Goodbye, Miki

I am sorry for not doing my best to save you

I am sorry for not understanding your pain, 

I am sorry for not trying to help you to reduce your pain,

I am terribly sorry for not being a good owner of yours.



At least, now you don't suffer anymore. You don't have to be weak, don't have to go to meet that weird doctor, and don't have to being bullied by me. hek hek.

I miss you, Miki :'(




"at least, Miki pergi dia ada family.."


Tuesday, October 20, 2015

I woke up even September has not ended yet

September had been quite rough for me. For us, actually.

To lose someone you love is what the reality you will face through no matter what,

That is the promise we made with the Almighty. That we, every creation in this world will eventually back to Him.

Sometimes you think that you've prepared it enough, as you believe you and people around you will go anytime soon.

More than you prepare yourself to go to meet Him.





but,
when the reality hits you,

you realized,


it is hard. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay harder than you think.


You cant even explain to anyone how you feel. You cant even tell your loved ones to be strong or be patient in accepting the reality nor you can see their tears.

The most painful thing is you are seeing the people you love are trying to be strong while moving on with their life. The struggle in accepting reality and their tears could be the reason of your breaking point.

I am struggling with myself, I don't even know how to convey my own feelings either.


I really hope I could share my warm hug with my cousins and Makcu, and tell them, be strong. No, I can't, because I feel like telling them to be strong is like torturing their emotion instead of showing my supports. Maybe it is just me who feel like that. I'm not sure.


Sometimes, seeing mom crying after Maghrib, is waaaaaaaaaaaay more heartbreaking. I dont know how to calm her. I dont know how to stop her tears. I know she misses her one and only brother.


Because, I miss him too. Al-Fatihah.



Friday, August 14, 2015

Paid off

Some might say it's nothing.

But, let me cherish this moment for once, kayh?

After the tears, humiliating scenes in class, the angers and the frustration, I SURVIVED! My hard work paid off in the end and I passed my degree with flying colors. Alhamdulillah~

I should be thankful to Allah as He gave me too much helps and strength while I am doing my degree. Thank you Allah for this.

Many thanks to my lovely Dugongs and family for their supports and always been there whenever I need them. Thank you so much, may Allah bless all of you.




and you, thank you for your prayers and thoughts. I love you.

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

dari dua ribu tujuh



"Thank you for not giving up on me"


Sincerely me,
the one who used to be an ignorant person.


Monday, July 6, 2015

Hai, Hati

03072015 
it was our first meeting after seven years of friendship.

surprisingly it happened just like we already met for many times. i didn't feel awkward at all as I usually hard to communicate with people who I just met for the first time. what amazed me the most when he casually act nothing when he met my sister. haha, it was not in my plan actually, it just happened that my sister came to KL and I felt guilty to let her 'berbuka' alone. so, I just asked her to join us as he said that he was okay. Ah, lega tau tak masa tu.

every time I told my friends about us, they would say the same thing again and again.
"oh, dia lah yang selalu ada dekat post ko tu ek"

even my sister did asked the same thing!

sounds too obvious, right?




yes. that's him.

to be frank, I'm still not clear with my own heart. either we are just friends or we are more than that.
that's why I can never answer "Siapa dia? Takkan kawan je" even it was asked for many times already,. I don't have the answer yet.

it's not that i don't believe him, but it is more that i don't trust my own heart after all. It scares me when I think that I could hurt him, or cannot appreciate him or I can't even truly love him just like others did. Thanks to the past experiences I had and what I heard from my friends, I know the joys and pains of loving others.

I think I should stop here even though I have many things to write about this. Lagipun main point kat sini was stated on the first paragraph je. Before I end this, do pray the best for me. If we were meant to be, insyaAllah we will. If we are not, may Allah ease us to find someone better for us. Allah knows best.



"Today's special moments are tomorrow's best memories" - Genie

Friday, May 29, 2015

Short Update For Now

Hye and Assalamualaikum, guys.


Saje nak update pendek as I dah feel a bit dizzy sebab lama sangat menatap video yang tak siap-siap dari hari tu.

You know what? ANOTHER THREE WEEK BEFORE I END MY INTERNSHIP. YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..............nope, I should stop yahoo-ing myself here.

The ending of the internship means the beginning of job hunting for me. Actually, I got an offer from my boss to work here, but as I keep thinking and consider things here and there, I've decided to not continue to work here. Bila dah takde hati kan, macam mana nak stay sini. huhu.


Nama pun short update, so I stop here for a while. Nanti kita rajin kita update panjang lagi, kayh?

Friday, May 22, 2015

Happy Birthday Dalila!

It's 1130 pm right now. Another 30 minutes before this special day ended.


Thank you for all the doa(s) and wishes. i really appreciate it. Thank you so much.


Dulu masa sekolah pernah berangan umur 20 dah ada boyfriend yang boleh bagi teddy bear sama saiz dengan aku. haha. Macam apa je bila ingat. Punya beza dah harapan dulu dengan sekarang yang mana aki harus meletakka  aim yang lebih nyata. Aim yang aku sendiri tak boleh nak cerita lagi. Cuma, doakan lah usaha aku untuk mencapai aim tersebut dipermudahkan.


Sekian sahaja post pendek untuk hari lahir yang ke 22. Sebab esok nak pi kerja 😭😭😭

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Sejujurnya

Kalau ditanya,
Selepas ini ke mana arah kan ku tuju,
Aku masih buntu.

Kadang ada rasa jiwaku memang di situ,
Lakaran atas skrin, Gubahan secara virtual,
Namun tak pernah rasa diri ini cukup berseni.

Kadang aku rasa jiwa ku mahukan interaksi
Namun aku tak rasa aku ada yakin yang tinggi
Risau mesej yang aku sampai disalah erti

Kalau kamu jadi aku, 
Jalan mana kan kau pilih?


Kahwin bukan satu solusi.
Nak kahwin pun pening fikir bakal suami.
Apatah lagi fikir bajet kenduri.



Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Rants (1)

Assalamualaikum chuols!

Aku tau, aku ada banyak hutang cerita dekat blog ni, even kenangan Lendu Part 1 tu pun tak tersambung aku dah nak internship dah pun. Cerita Jepun pun tergantung lagi. bukan tak excited nak update semua benda lagi-lagi pasal Jepun tu. Masalahnya, aku malas sikit nak resize gambar, malas jugak nak susun collage. Aku nak senangkan semua orang yang rajin nak baca blog ni. Maklumlah, blog aku ni sunyi sepi, jadi haruslah aku menghargai usaha korang yang masih sanggup meluangkan masa berharga korang untuk baca serba sedikit cerita pasal aku. cewah.

Sebenarnya, ikut hati banyak benda nak share, sejak blog ni dah banyak terima persinggahan, dah tiga empat kali jugak aku terdetik nak update segala benda mak nenek berlaku sejak akhir-akhir ni. Tapi, orang paranoid macam aku ni suka fikir jauh (walaupun kadang-kadang ada jugak benda aku tak fikir jauh sangat) satgi, ada je yang aku tak expect jumpa blog ni, terbaca pulak post aku yang tak semenggah. Jadi, aku putuskan untuk tak publish apa-apa post yang aku rasa pelik lain macam. hahaha. aku ni takdelah baik sangat (walaupun classmates sendiri ingatkan I ni gadis naif, penyenyap (?), HAHAHAHA) banyak lah benda yang terdetik dekat hati ni tapi takleh cakap dekat orang, bukan boleh percaya satgi ada lah benda tu jadi senjata nak tikam kita balik.ops.


Oh, by the jalan, Isnin ni aku start intern. Intern dekat company biasa je, sebabkan aku di bawah Komunikasi Instruksional dan Latihan, jadi, lecturer aku insist supaya intern betul betul dekat bahagian situ (yelah, takkan tetiba aku nak intern dekat bahagian Audit pulak kan?). Kebetulan ada satu company dekat Meru ni, dekat jugaklah. jadi, di kesempatan ini aku memohon korang yang dah tersinggah dan dengan relanya baca sampai habis ni, mohon doakan segala urusan aku sepanjang internship dan semester akhir degree ni dipermudahkan Allah SWT. Amin.

Aku rasa better aku stop sampai sini, satgi jauh melalut orang menyampah. Aku tinggalkan korang dengan gambar comel aku, har har.






Saturday, January 17, 2015

Forgetting

I used to show how much I appreciate your existence in my life Years to years I realized that my efforts were not worthy at all I was the only one who still believed that our friendship was still exist, at least. Never mind, Happy birthday, dear used-to-be-my-friend